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Joined: 4/30/2010(UTC)
Posts: 294
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I used to be self-opinionated, but now I'm absolutely perfect
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Joined: 9/1/2014(UTC)
Posts: 6
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thats the way 2 do it,i am also trying 2 think like that from now on lol hihi
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Joined: 4/30/2010(UTC)
Posts: 294
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I tried to start a society for paranoiacs.
But everyone stopped me
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Joined: 9/5/2014(UTC)
Posts: 27
Location: The Internet
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"If You're going through hell, keep going!"
Winston Churchill
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 1 user thanked RodeoPoker.net for this useful post.
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Joined: 12/2/2011(UTC)
Posts: 290
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I was just reading that 4,153,237 people got married last year... now, not to cause any trouble, I'm just sayin'...shouldn't that be an even number?
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Joined: 4/30/2010(UTC)
Posts: 294
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Kattboots, don't you know that 56.76845% of statistics are fabricated
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Joined: 6/1/2010(UTC)
Posts: 119
Location: US
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Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.  Cheers, Sky
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1 user thanked Skyla for this useful post.
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Joined: 9/5/2014(UTC)
Posts: 27
Location: The Internet
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Originally Posted by: Skyla  Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. Cheers, Sky That's called the ''Halo'' effect! You can use this to appear smarter and reliable when making the first impression ;) Very hard to do by eamil or on a forum though! 
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Joined: 12/2/2011(UTC)
Posts: 290
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I can attest to the fact that with sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
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Joined: 9/5/2014(UTC)
Posts: 27
Location: The Internet
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If you are not living on the edge, you are taking up too much space!
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Joined: 4/30/2010(UTC)
Posts: 294
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DNA is an acronym for National Dyslexic Association
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Joined: 11/10/2014(UTC) Posts: 8 
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Okay, it's a long line...
"As it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethnic minority, try this one:
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, a Yank, an
Egyptian, a Jap, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Jordanian, a Kiwi, a Swede, a Finn, a Canadian, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, an Argentinian, a Libyan, a Muslim, a Hindu, a Buddhist and an African went to a night club.
The bouncer said, "Sorry, I can't let you in .................................. without a Thai. "
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Joined: 11/10/2014(UTC) Posts: 8
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When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
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Joined: 11/10/2014(UTC) Posts: 8
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A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months
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Joined: 4/30/2010(UTC)
Posts: 294
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I used to be indecisive. But now I'm not so sure.
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Joined: 11/10/2014(UTC) Posts: 8
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When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
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Joined: 11/10/2014(UTC) Posts: 8
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The batteries were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
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Joined: 11/10/2014(UTC) Posts: 8
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Bunches at once:
1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
...apologies to the late Tommy Cooper
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Joined: 11/10/2014(UTC) Posts: 8
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A new set for 2015....
no, no drum roll, please... and these may be very American flavoured...
1. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and Shithead's.
2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
3. I live in my own little world but it's OK; everyone knows me here.
4. I saw a rather large woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?"
5. I don't do drugs 'cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast.
6. A sign In a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea."
7. Money can't buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live with. 7b. Money can't buy happiness but poverty can't buy anything.
8. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
9. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the "terminal"?
10. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.
11. The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
12. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade. If life deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.
13. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
14. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.
15. I am a nobody; nobody is perfect, and therefore I am perfect.
16. Every day I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
17. That Claudia Schiffer must be a genius because I told a friend my plan to attain world peace, and he told me I have "Schiffer Brains."
18. No one ever says, "It's only a game!" when their team is winning.
19. Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, tattoos and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
20. How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
21. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
22. Marriage changes passion . . . suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
23. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
24. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
25. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!
26. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
27. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America ?
28. When I was young, we used to go "skinny dipping." Now I just go "chunky dunking."
29. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place.
30. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press "Ctrl Alt Delete" and start all over? [not on your life! Ed.]
31. Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
32. Wouldn't you know it! Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.
33. Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
So, have a wonderful year and ponder on why everything else shrinks when it freezes, but water expands. We have a lot of that to think about up here in Canada... in January, February, March, April, sometimes November, December, May...
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Joined: 4/30/2010(UTC)
Posts: 294
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The future isn't what it used to be
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